Day 1: Time to Say Goodbye

Weathered Cornstalks Bid the Day, "Adieu"

"Goodbye?" you might be wondering. "On Day 1?"

It's an odd way to begin, perhaps, but it seemed fitting to open up this 31-day series on depression and Grace by reflecting more deliberately on the "letting go" we must be willing to face if we are ever to see something new unfold in our lives.

Ever feel torn between the old and the new? Stuck in the middle? Afraid to step forward because you just can't let go? Or afraid to let go because the unknown seems void and meaningless compared with what you already hold in your hands, and in your heart? I know these feelings well.

Recently I moved into a new house. For some time before the actual move (the date of which I kept postponing), I went back and forth between the old home and the new, living in both. At first this seemed comfortable, even reasonable; a good way to ease the transition, I thought. But soon I found that by living in two houses, I wasn't really living in either one.

As a Christian who has struggled with depression, now starting life over after a number of stops and starts, I've had to face this tendency of mine to hold on with dear life to the past. Even to the sadness and the suffering; at least it's familiar. What would it look like to be well? I'd wonder. As for wholeness, even that seemed empty and vague. But how could I ever heal if I was unwilling to change? Did I really want to get well? (I'm grateful to the counselor who helped me see the profound truth in this, well, rather painful question.)

Thankfully, our God changes hearts. What we think we can't let go of, or step ahead toward, or even want to face (even -- perhaps especially -- if it's true): He gives us the Grace to do so. The strength. Even the desire to change. At the right time. And, I'm finding, it's not a one-time occurrence, but a process He works out in us daily. Just as Paul wrote to the Philippians, we are to "work out" our own salvation, not in our own strength, "for it is God Who is all the while effectually at work in you, energizing and creating in you the power and the desire, both to will and to work for His good pleasure" (Philippians 2:12-13).

Amazingly, when saying "Goodbye" seems nearly impossible, He has a wonderful way of planting the hope of "Hello" in our hearts.

Mandisa, "Say Goodbye," What If We Were Real

This is where it starts now...