Day 9: WHITEflag

Surrender. 

There are days when the memories come back. Memories of

the summer afternoon when I sought peace on a quiet walk, only to find myself collapsing on the curb in helpless desperation;

the days when the "where to go what to do" syndrome (as I came to call it) kept me locked in my bedroom with the childhood wallpaper, over thirty years old and curled up in a ball on my bed;

that time when the panic and despair literally brought me to my knees and I laid straight-out on the bathroom floor, face down, pleading for help;

the day when I broke down in the middle of a field, with my head in my hands and absolutely no clue how to survive another day;

and that awful moment when all I could do was beg for Jesus to come and get me, and Mom's eyes filled with terror as she realized her daughter wanted to die.

Yes, these days were real. But so, too, were these:

when the pain of living grew worse than my fear of change, and I reached out for help;

when my fear of medical intervention was quenched by the faith of someone who believed;

when I found health and healing in uncovering my wounds and saw them exposed in His Light, supported by a sister in Christ and led by the Spirit;

and when my shame collided with God's Grace, and I started claiming the new life Jesus died for me to have, no matter what I thought or felt. 

It's been a long journey. And I still have a long way to go. But I'm learning to keep on going, fighting the good fight of faith, trusting that God is molding me in the midst of my pain and letting Him transform me by aligning my thoughts and feelings with what He promises in His Word.

For the mind is the battlefield, as Joyce Meyer has taught me well. And it is God Himself Who shows me how, equips me, and ultimately strengthens me to fight the war within...all the way to victory.

"For the weapons of our warfare are not physical weapons of flesh and blood,

but they are mighty before God for the overthrow and destruction of strongholds,

Inasmuch as we refute arguments and theories and reasonings

and every proud and lofty thing that sets itself up

against the true knowledge of God;

and we lead every thought and purpose away captive

into the obedience of Christ,

the Messiah, the Annointed One" 

~ II Corinthians 10:4-5

Help me, Lord Jesus, never to surrender to my thoughts, but instead to surrender them -- and myself -- to You.

Amen.

 

 Mary Mary, "Never Wave My Flag," Something Big

Keep on going,

Healed By His Wounds

~ Connecting with new friends at Soli Deo Gloria